Three Marriage Alternatives

Psychotherapist Delma Heyn, wrote in her book “Marriage Shock: The transformation from Woman into American Wife" that women undergo a post-honeymoon emotional shift. She says that previously independent and vivacious women slowly modify their behavior, appearance and values to what they perceive as those of a "proper wife". This suppression of individuality occurs subtly and generally unnoticed, until both partners wonder what happened to the feisty sexy women they both knew.

In contrast, a recent DNA study of the children of divorced couples who had not made any claims of infidelity showed that in more than 50 percent of cases, the woman's husband did not father the children. The men did not know. The theory behind this type of female behavior is called "cuckolding". Basically, it says that women are genetically programmed to get pregnant by the best possible sperm donor, and to find the man most likely to stay around and help them take care of the children. Many times that is not the same man.

These two examples suggest there are stronger forces influencing marriage than many people acknowledge. Perhaps many will decide to ignore them. Others may acknowledge them, and move on. Yet others will actively tap into them.

Which alternative is yours?